This scenario is especially difficult if you're trying to repair your relationship and get back together with your ex. It can feel like someone stabbing you in the heart, and you may want to quit trying to win back your ex girlfriend altogether Regardless of the reasons behind your breakup -- whether it was initiated by you or by your ex, whether it was messy or very cordial -- it's extremely likely that you have a good chance of getting back together with your ex girlfriend. That also includes any scenario involving a new man she's found to replace you.
Not surprisingly, your ex girlfriend is probably just as heartbroken as you are about the end of your relationship. She'll do anything to stop the pain, including finding a new man to fill the void that's created by your breakup. But in reality, anyone new she's with in the days and weeks after your breakup is probably a temporary rebound relationship to help her cope with her pain and sadness.
Yes, it sucks that your ex girlfriend is sleeping with someone else, and that can be ridiculously painful to think about. But here's the good news: Your ex probably doesn't love this man the way she loved you, especially if they've only been dating for a week or two. True love -- the kind that lasts -- takes months and years to form. So, now that we've established that your ex girlfriend's new man is actually not really a "replacement" for you but rather a temporary distraction while she gets over her feelings for you, let's examine why your ex's new man may actually be a good thing for you in the long run.
As mentioned earlier, your ex girlfriend isn't in love with this guy, and in all likelihood, they're probably not compatible anyway. It didn't take her long to find him or jump into his bed, so there really wasn't much time for her to determine if this guy was right for him. And, chances are, he's not nearly as compatible with her as you were. Sooner or later, your ex girlfriend will come to accept that this new rebound relationship just isn't working and won't be a long-term thing.
Most rebound relationships end within weeks. When she does end up cutting ties with her rebound man, then the emotions left over from your breakup will hit your ex like a brick wall. All of sudden, with her rebound gone and her sadness back in full force, your ex girlfriend will start to second-guess whether it was a good idea to break up with you in the first place. As these feelings of doubt flood your ex's mind, and she has the recently-dumped rebound man to compare you with, she'll inevitably be in a vulnerable and heartbroken state.
She was the first to leave for school. During our time together she as always hinted that she was afraid of falling for someone else. At some point, she began making suggestions about finding someone to take care of her while she was in school this was rampant that, it stirred number of insecurities within me.
During the time we were together she made out with a guy a family friend she felt sorry and told me about it. But the insecurities didnt go away. It drove me into thinking that I was never good enough for her. At the same time I battled great deal of social anxiety which I have worked on.
After she left for college I stopped contacting her for the fear that I wasnt good enough. During the following year i still didn't get in contact with her at the same time I didnt move on. I was sort of stuck, still working on my anxiety. Till i initiated contact and tried explaining myself that I was dealing with things really personal and that I never left her for someone else.
My mistake was that I didnt deal with my issues completely, somehow he grew distant. But I'm okay wit whatever happens. I understand why the breakup happened and have realized that it was a huge fault of mine. I'm in a good place right now and to be honest, I'm texting u just because I miss speaking to you. I don't have a goal or an ulterior motive for texting you.
I just want to see what happens" template from your site of course. So there is no coming back for you. We were never meant to be so Just move on. Sorry Forgot to add when we met she 16 and I At this point she could still be going through a phase due to her age, and you might want to consider walking away for the time being to focus on yourself and grow as a person.
Frequencies and phases of life would change rapidly for people around that age, and you should try to reach out and connect with her once again as friends first later on after some changes have been made to your life and you become the person she can visualize being with.
She broke up with me because I was still hurt from a past relationship and I was slower moving than she was. We cared deeply for each other, but she has some PTSD that wouldn't let her move on even though I wanted to. She also said multiple times she couldn't imagine not having me in her life and for me not to disappear. She said we need to take it day by day and time will tell for us. Its been about weeks since the breakup.
I did everything to a T. I had no contact, during that time she contacted me. We texted a lot of remembrance texts and finally went out on a great hike the other day. She said she wanted to go on more hikes if I wanted to and texted me later that is was good seeing me. We had some more text conversations that were good. She's been hanging out with this guy since day 1 of the breakup.
They kinda knew each other before. I was very skeptical of them forming something together, but kinda had my mind eased as she said they were joining their freelance businesses and working of a lot of big projects. Well I just found out two days after the hike that they are seeing each other. Do I have a chance here? Seems like a rebound but high risk if there is a lot of work and money at stake.
What do I do now? Ask her if they are a thing then just let it roll off my back like I don't care because I'm in a good place and tell her there is still hurt and its best to not be in contact for a while? People can be irrational when it comes to emotions, disregarding professionalism. You could let her know that it hurts and go into NC for the time being while they're dating. Hi Ryan, I've lived in London with my girlfriend who was from Argentina for the past three years.
Part 2: Doing No Contact When She is with Her New Boyfriend
We had an incredible connection and lived what we both agreed and still do was the best 3 years of our lives, our friends, family all loved what were together. She began to miss her family and country and got the point where she wanted to move back to Argentina to "see how she felt" and whether she wanted to stay in the UK and get married etc, of which I totally understood.
So we broke up and she moved away. During the first two months apart, there was a lot of communication between us and I have to admit I became very needy and desperate for her to come back very unlike myself.. It got to the point though where I was just causing sadness in her life as I was upset about her leaving, and she told me she was going to move on.. I think I must have made every mistake in the book! A week after this, I found out she had already met someone else and is moving on. Again, I made a massive mistake by losing my shit when I found out about her being with someone - mainly because she had continued to string me along with hope until the day I heard about the new person, and it really really hurt.
She said that when she met this new guy, It made her realise she didn't want to fight for me as she was attracted to him. A lot of the pain lies in the fact that if we weren't born so far apart, we both admit that we would have been together for life. We were so perfect before this ordeal and I feel my neediness made her fall out of love with me and into the arms of another man. I had never been needy, desperate or jealous once within the relationship.
It's been about three weeks now of sparse contact and the last email I sent yesterday was an email to her apologising for my neediness and that I respect her decisions which I actually do and I wish her the best. She sent me an email apologising for her actions and saying I would always be in her heart and that the best memories of her life were with me. What course of action do you think I should take I keep wondering if I hadn't been trying to convince her to come back, the outcome may have been totally different.
You might want to consider several options depending on where you stand and given the circumstances:. Most of this year we were together but I kept her at an arms length and was not committed to the relationship and was honest about it. A few weeks ago we had a blow out where she basically told me she just wanted me to tell her I could guarantee we'd be together at some point. I told her no relationship is a guarantee but I wanted to work on things.
She told me she was going out with friends that night but she would call me when she got off work. She didn't call so I texted her and asked what's up. She texted me back something along the lines of "it's not the right time, i'm sorry, i'll always love you. She text back and said she loves me and hates me so much. I asked her to come home and she said no she was staying out late. Like a stalker, I drove by her house shortly after and she was coming home. I asked what was going on and she told me she went out with another guy someone she mentioned before but that she came home because she was confused and wanted to figure things out.
Long story short, we were kinda sorta together over the past week but I was needy, clingy, etc. This Friday she said she was going out again and after not hearing from her all night, I drove by her house at 5am stalking again I know and her car wasn't there. Rather than waiting for another lie I texted her that I was hurt and couldn't believe it was so easy for her to leave me for someone she barely knew and that my time with her was the best of my life and goodbye. I realize I just pushed her right into this other guys arms but my question is, do I try and reach out and tell her it will hurt me if she sleeps with this other guys and I'm working on things, or do I just institute no contact?
If I can stop things before she moves forward I want to, but I can see how she just has the desperate image of me stuck in her mind right now. In the meantime, I've been following the advice of the guides and started working on myself and haven't done any more crazy texting, calling, etc. It would be better to initiate NC, as the former idea would probably push her further away because of the impression she may hold over you at this point.
Brilliant article this, pretty much how my ex is behaving, she is moving in with her rebound after two months, I have grew immensely over the two months, would say I'm better than ever on many cases. Only issue I have is she won't contact me back, although I feel like her new guy is stopping that in every way, do you have any advice to get over that part as waiting around is the hardest thing.
She did move over from Canada to the UK to be with me, she is also still wearing my previous engagement ring although she has blocked me on everything minus WhatsApp and texting. Any advice I'd be most grateful. Waiting becomes hard if all you're focused on is actually waiting around, and each day becomes a torture and passes by really slowly. I would suggest putting yourself back out there, for the time being, developing new lifestyle habits and essentially just focusing on yourself.
Consider even dating again in the meantime if you feel ready , since she is currently also doing the same and let opportunity present itself before deciding on an action to take. If my ex went to talk to someone new, and I realize that the person has had some small trouble with the law. And has is seeming lying about some things. Can I, out of concern of possible safety, point that out to my ex? Or is that considered comparing?
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Your ex might consider it differently from how you intend the message to come across, especially if your ex currently has strong feelings for the new person. Would be best if you could get a mutual friend to relay the message instead of you. Hi I just came out of nc and my ex is seeing someone.
I sent her the elephant in the room text. She did not respond to the text instead she came to the place I live angry at me crying saying that I me ruined everything. I told her I think we need more time apart before we can speak. A week later she unblocks me on whatsapp and when I text her she told me I must go speak to her in person. I want to know how do I approach this? Go along with meeting her in person and decide again based on how she responds to you. It does seem that she still has feelings for you, but hasn't let go of the past yet to treat you normally. Me and my girlfriend of 5 years broke up after both parts doing wrong stuff.
We really loved each other and she would sleep on my house everynight. But dring the last year we stared having some arguments and she did some wrong stuff including messaging his first boyfriend. I wanted to stop being with her but she really wanted to stay with me, appologising and really showing real effort to keep our relationship. The problem was that i never really got over it and started treating her differently and basicly she lost connection and gave up, even with me loving her a lot and showing it too.
She then went on a dinner with her friends and it lead to stop talking to me for days. When i talked with her she said she needed space and she was sorry. Then we talked again and she said she wanted to be with me, but i asked her to fisrt explain what was happening with her because she was not the same and i was desperate and trying everything to be good with her.
That night we had sex and we were really good talking until i flipped and said that i needed to sleep. We talked after and she said again she needed some space to understand everything because she said she didn't know and was feelling really depressed , the thing is that after that I acted too insecure and clingy, she would talk to me and say she lved me and i was her best friend, but she didn't love me as boyfriend like she used to.
I asked her out believe after too much pressure already and she broke up with me. We stopped talking for 17 of june until she texted me asking for sending some numbers she really needed for work. I gave it to her but then acted too needy again stupid she talked and said she was still in my life. I said goodbye and she said we could talk, "why goodbye? On 17 of july. I just found this now because obviously i would not do this stupid mistakes. I believe i still have a chance and now that i read this i feel much good with myself. I need to start NC once again right? The problem is i that i know she did not get over her ex boyfriend and i believe she will find him on a council party on august.
Should i tell her that i don't duel on what happens and what she will do and that i will go NC? Thank you for everything, i believe if i read this on the first week i would be really happy with her, but htat's life ahh. Well, it's always better to realize your mistakes late than never at all. Go into NC properly, and work on yourself in the meantime, focusing on making yourself happy again. Understand that she didn't completely close the door on you back then, but it might require some time before she would feel comfortable talking to you again after your actions back then during the breakup.
The breakup came out of left field for me, despite her protest that there was nobody else involved I have a feeling this guy may have been hovering in the background. I think this because she had said to me during the breakup that she was angry with me for some things, and she didn't want this one guy at work to flirt with her and for her to think for a second I deserved it - so I think it might be that guy.
Which makes me think she let him flirt and maybe things got out of hand and feelings developed. But this is just speculating as I have no hard evidence. It could also be that he's an easy rebound target if he was flirting before, who knows. I'm confused at how she can move on so quickly knowing she wanted so much with us on a couple weeks prior to the break, we had marriage and moving back in together on the table and had been together for 7 years. I'm coming to terms with it all as time goes on, but there's a part of me that still believes we could've had it all had she not taken the easy way out just because we hit a rough patch.
Do you think given the time frame and how this all happened that she has moved on, or had moved on before even the breakup? And has zero feelings left for me? The last time we spoke she was the one who sent me a text to tell me she was dating someone, she swiftly blocked me as she just didn't want confrontation I suppose.
But, I texted her asking to talk and she was resistant to it - said she didn't think anything was on a bad note and is worried that if we forced a conversation for closure it might head that way, and she was "on edge" about talking as the last time we talked things got a little emotional. I dunno, in Kevin's email subscription he mentioned that there is a "missing badly" stage the ex goes through after a month or two, and this phase lasts a while - I'm just not getting that vibe. I ultimately would like it if things could work out in the future but the more I let time go by the more chance this new thing might be more solidified, but I guess I have no control either way.
My main problem here is that - when we broke up she didn't take steps to remove me or block me from anything, she just limited her FB profile etc and we unfollowed each other. She would view my insta stories every now and then etc. When she texted me about this new guy however, she has since taken steps to remove me from everything and privatise her profiles. To answer your question on whether she has moved on, it would honestly depend on how early on in the 7 years of marriage she began to feel this way about you but usually for a relationship of 7 years, it is unlikely that she has completely moved on.
However, that does not mean she has not given up on the relationship a long time ago. Based on Kevin's email, just because someone may think of you or even miss you, does not mean that they will react positively towards you still because these thoughts of you may come in waves but their logical selves tell them not to act upon it. Also, there's a good chance that this guy may be a rebound relationship after being together with you for so long, and if she is still on edge towards you, space would be a better option as opposed to pressure from your end, resulting in potentially accelerating the speed at which she moves on.
Thanks for the reply.
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I couldn't pin point it myself when she might have begun to feel this way. We weren't without problems, but I didn't think they were huge issues that couldn't be resolved. She was still talking about our future, joint bank accounts, what we'd do with our home and where we might move to etc just two weeks before the breakup, so to me all this doesn't indicate she gave up that long before When we went on our holiday I noticed a bit of distance from her, but when I questioned her she just insisted she was tired from the travelling etc so I didn't question further.
She became protective of her phone, when I confronted her about it she said she had been talking to her siblings about some of our issues, I got the feeling she wasn't as over some of the things we fought about as she lead on. We talked about it again and she again accepted and lead on that it was all well. When the breakup occurred she said she had wanted space and time to figure things out and learn to forgive fully, and said that she was still very much in love with me and that even though we were doing better, that it wasn't where it needed to be for her to think about spending the rest of her life with me so she wanted to figure that out.
This makes no sense to me because if things were better then I don't see how breaking up helps that along. It feels as though maybe she didn't want things to progress to get better due to mixed feelings from this other guy - if he was hovering around her, which seems more likely in hindsight. I feel like she used old issues as an excuse to bolster her reasoning for looking elsewhere, as there was zero warning for the break and she refused to talk about any of it as if scared of confrontation.
I will give her her space, not like I have much of a choice at this point lol. I've made an effort to block her on some social media accounts as it's easier for me not to look that way, but I've noticed she's made another account and has accidentally liked some of my things, would you chalk this up to just curiosity and nothing more? It's only normal for an ex to miss the other person after a breakup, her included. Her actions were most probably the result of missing you, getting curious to see how you were doing and thus visiting your profile.
However, it usually doesn't mean anything and it definitely isn't a case where she's looking to get back together or would take any further action. I doubt this is going to work for me. I will shortly elaborate. We were together for 3 years, broke up for 5 months now. We had a phone call a few days ago where she said: I moved on, found someone new and I prefer to not have contact anymore. She would always respond and I've been improving my flaws, however it was all in vain. Do you think there is anything else to do?
We study together and I won't see her due to summer for another 3 months. Keep in mind that your changes aren't simply going to get her to jump back into your arms again, and neither is she going to miraculously develop passion for you again. You're going to have to make an attempt to win her back as if it were the first time you were trying to win someone's heart and treat it as a fresh start. Perhaps at this point, it may not work out since she has told you this, but there's no telling what may happen after the summer break, but only if you're willing to wait it out.
If not, it would be better to simply move on. Hi Ryan, So I just came out of a no contact phase with my ex who is seeing someone else. I sent her a short letter about me apologising and briefly mentioning that I have changed my life around and that I would like to see her in person. Probably to continue giving her space for now, since she does not seem ready to meet you yet. You might also have to wait and see if the current person she's dating turns out to be a rebound or not before making your move in the future. I think i should start from the beginning. Me age 33 and my gf age 29 were together for 3 years and she ended the relationship a month ago because i made her feel bad about herself and was toxic to her.
Yes, we have been talking every day and at the start i was so confused that i paniced and did some stupid moves like begging and trying to talk her back etc. Now lets go back in time. First time was after a year we had been together and the reason was i didnt gave her attention and she hooked up with my friend and lied about that but we managed to get over it. Second time she left me was again after 1 year after we made up and i can say that same thing happened i didnt gave her attention once again , she hooked up with my friend again and then they both lied to me about that when i put the puzzle together.
Once again i was only thinking about myself and didnt notice her and didnt gave her my attention. I know, my mystake. You can see where im going with this. When we got back together i promised to her that im going to change, that ill be new person but i was kind of mad at her in my hart for cheating on me. It was really hard because she lied to me. Time was passing and i did some changes - mainly changed myself to be more friendly with her kids she has 2 children and spending more time with her. I need to mention that we live different towns and i was the one how always visited her.
Mabye she just got bored? Now back yo present day. I dont know if i was still mad at her for cheating me but we had more and more fights. We had one fight every week and that exhausted us pretty bad. I could tell that she changed a bit later until she told me it was over. I can say that i was toxic to her. Now after she dumped me, she is immediately dating. Further more she has told me that she never can be with me again but as we have spoken i could see these little notes shes been telling. Like how she is not shure about loving again, or how she feels that she has failed as a woman.
For the last month after she broke up with me sha has noticed that i had changed, how i talk and what i do. She just keeps telling how sorry she was that i didnt change earlier and how she wishes that i had done all the changes before she left me. One thing ive noticed that after endind relationship she has actually never told me that she didnt love me any more or how she feels about me. Firstly, you have to keep in mind that no amount of justification makes her actions any more right than your lack of attention towards her. Cheating is something that would definitely take a toll on the relationship if you forgive her and get back together, because there's always going to be a sense of insecurity, self-doubt, trust issues, and resentment towards her for doing so.
All these things translate into your actions which resulted in your toxic behavior. You should honestly consider the possibility of whether you were toxic for her, or if it was actually the other way around and her actions caused you to behave in a toxic manner. Lack of attention is common in a relationship, and it should have been addressed together as a couple instead of her getting bored and cheating on you on more than one occasion , and even lying to you about it after. Hey Kevin, I been with my ex gf 4 years and 4 months its been great.
We are living together for 2 years in college but after i graduated were in semi long distance relationship but I can visit her once a month vice versa. I admit that i begun too comfortable with the relationship not knowing that i did not give her much attention. Before we breakup she confessed to me that she likes someone it's her college crush. They dated 3 times before she told me. I get upset and angry and i said something bad things to her and then she promised that she will never contact the guy and blocked him in all social media. She told me that she's confused about herself and to the relationship she told me she needed space so that she can fix herself but I keep blaming and threatened her to what she done I begged and pleaded that I will forgive her if she stays.
After 2 weeks she visited in our house we talked and there's a lot of drama she cried because of her guilt. I can sense that she's feeling guilty for what she done. So she decided to broke up with me because she's not ready to be in relationship for now because she knows she can't give her whole heart in the relationship because she like someone else. She told me that she needs time to fix herself and told me maybe someday we can start again so I agreed with her. I initiated NC but after 1 week I call her that I want her back but she's sorry because she doesn't know herself anymore and doesn't want me anymore.
I ask her if she's communicating to the other guy and she said yes. I get very angry to her to the point that i threatened and blackmailed her and promise her that i will make her life miserable if she will not stay with me. Then she promised she stays and never communicate with the other guy, but I know to myself that I will not be happy if she not happy. So I ask her forgiveness for the things I said and done. I begged and cried to her to start again but she said no. So I just accepted the breakup and tell her she deserves to be happy.
After 2 days I came to her workplace to return some clothes she left in our house and to apologize personally to the threats and blackmailing to her. She also apologize for being selfish making wrong decision. I told her if she wants to contact the other guy she can because it's her choice. I told her stop blaming herself for the wrong decision she choose and she deserves to be happy. And I hug her and kiss her in the forehead and leave. I been 9 days NC to her. What should I do to stop her for falling to the other guy?
Did I ruined my chance of getting her back? Your actions at the end by apologizing and ending things on a positive note may have saved you from ruining your chances after the blackmailing and threats. You're probably going to have to start no contact and give her some space for now. If she wants to date someone else, as you've said its her choice, but once NC ends you can try contacting her again to build up something meaningful again and this would be easier to do given that things didn't end on a bad note.
Everytime me and her fought I'd look over and she would be over there telling him everything she should of been telling me so we could make us work, and she always said that the guy was her brother I asked her why she was with him and why we ended, she said because I pushed her away, and he was there and how he never left her like I did It probably is a good thing, but you'll have to be patient about it, especially if she's still together with the other person right now.
Spend this time working on improving yourself since in her opinion, even though she loves you, the other guy does the relationship 'better'. You'll have to prove to her that you can better that if you want to win her back. This isn't a short one. I am a lesbian. I started having friends with benefits with this girl. She bluntly told me "I will never date you. The whole month of December we didn't really talk. Well she comes back and hits me with another come over and let's experiment type thing. Well before I know it in January we are talking more, she's still seeing others but ultimately I win her over.
I did absolutely everything to her desire. I honestly worked through it. I was taking care of this girl so well I neglected myself. So we talked that night and came to the conclusion she didn't know what needed to change.. I backed off every way I could. The sex was even amazing she touched me in amazing ways she never had before-she claims it was bc she was impaired we were both very drunk well a couple days later after the trip she gets distant. I flipped when she ended it. I freaked out convinced her to let me come over and talk.
I panicked pulled the suicide card, made fool of. I still kept friends with her kinda till the semesterended. I was really happy. I unfollow her on social media.. I of course messaged her checked on her etc.. I new I did and I knew what I was doing when I got into it. I just told her where to.
I still feel like I'm meant for her and that she's terrified of my love. I gave her my absolute all. I will still do anything for her. I'm suffering every day and it's been like this since mid april.. It could be that because you gave her your all, it could have ended up being the cause of her feeling overwhelmed, especially if she knew that she could not measure up to what you were providing her.
There's also a chance that while she developed feelings for you over the course of time, it wasn't the passionate kind which was why she felt more interested to pursue other relationships which had a stronger spark factor for her compared to this.
Relationship Advice? Ex-Girlfriend Started Dating Someone New
Ironically as this sounds, you shouldn't make yourself so emotionally available for her because this puts you at a disadvantage where she has the upperhand to choose at any point whether she wants you or not, and may even end up taking you for granted. I was divorced three years ago.
I quickly met a woman, we dated for a month and she moved in with me. We were together three years. My divorce screwed with my head, family court burned up my money, child custody fights put me in a bad mood, then I found out I had a heart condition. It was a crappy three years but the new girlfriend put up with all of it until she didn't any longer.
Two months ago she broke up with me and quickly found a new boyfriend. He lives out of town but has a toothbrush at her house. I don't think he'll move here, and I don't think she wants to leave this town. I'm hoping her new relationship will be over soon. She and I work together every day, we own a business together, we have three years of shared memories, many of them good.
Yesterday she invited me over to fix a toilet, move a new washer and dryer into her house, we had a few drinks, watched some tv and talked about business. Last week we went to lunch, went clothes shopping and I put new windshield washers on her car. Her new guy is not handy like I am but I think he's more successful at this time. I'm hoping it's just a rebound. She tells me things like "She can't change her mind right now but will continue to think about it" pertaining to us getting back together.
She is my best friend, but since the break-up there are obviously many things we don't talk about any longer. Not long ago she was begging me to marry her and buy a new house together, now that I've agreed, she's no longer interested. I have been doing things to better myself and have in fact lost 40 lbs in the last two months through working out and eating a lot less and I'm working harder than I have in years.
She and I were working on a project together and I had my shirt off just a few days ago and she was pretty impressed that I had lost so much weight. Given the period you've been together with her, it would seem that there definitely is a good chance for you to win her back since 3 years is long enough to have created many lasting memories. The person she's currently dating may be a rebound to fill her time and emotions.
I would suggest since you already have to see her daily for work, you could use that opportunity to try and win her back. So my girlfriend and I broke up 2 months ago after a 10 year on and off relationship since college. Neither of us have "dated" other people during our breakups as they were usually just for space and only lasted a couple months at most. We have lived together in the past but had to move out because of job related moves. We had some good times and some not so good times in our relationship but nothing out of the ordinary.
She lives in Philadelphia and I live in Baltimore so we are semi long distance but we still saw each other every week. I had bought an engagement ring which she knows about but was never able to give it to her before we broke up. She told me the reason she was breaking up with me was she needed space and that there were some fights from long ago in our relationship she wasn't over.
At first i did all the wrong things and was needy and begged for her back and told her how much I loved her which clearly didn't work. I saw her after a month of being broke up and we hung out and hooked up but she said she still did not want to get back together and needed space. At the beginning of May i started no contact. It was hard but after 21 days i reached out to her and it was a disaster.
She told me we weren't getting back together right now and to give her some space. She said she wasn't sure how she would feel in months but its not gonna happen right now for sure. I asked if she was seeing someone else and she said no but that she had been on some dates. She said she did miss me and wasn't over me but that i was pushing her away by telling her that i still loved her and wanted to be with her.
Recently I have found out that she is dating a guy she works with and has been sense a little before we broke up. I know who he is and he is younger then her and they do have a lot in common, which i am not sure how to take. I was very upset at first and couldn't believe she could just move on that quickly. I blocked her on all social media and broke off contact but still after a few days of thinking about it, I still want her back.
She won't admit to dating this new guy but her family and friends all know she is which is how i found out. I know i want her back and i have always thought she is the one for me. We are obviously back on No Contact and we are not friends on social media so i can't show her that I am changing or make her jealous in any way and we don't live in the same city so i can't just happen to show up at the same places as her.
I am afraid if i give her too much time and space she will fall in love with this new guy if she hasn't already and i will be gone forever. I am following the steps you have talked about but i feel like i have more obstacles to get over then most people. Any help would be great! Encountering these kinds of setbacks when trying to win your ex back is common. Some people take longer than others and face more difficulty, but not all hope is lost as long as you're patient.
You should avoid pouring your heart out to her the next time you come in contact but rather rebuild the friendship first before leading it further on if the opportunity presents itself. For the time being however, focus on yourself and just do things to keep positive. We have been together for 5 years. Our relationship has ended over money, when the financial situation of both got worse. She told me that she no longer loved me like these old days.
I tried to convince her that this was a bad time because of financial problems, but it was not. Now, she is dating someone else, she told me she wants to move on a new relationship to get less stressful. We have not contacted for weeks. I believe she is my true love. What should I do to get her back. Keep in mind that just because she is your true love, does not mean that you are hers, especially if she could break up with you over financial reasons. Perhaps think this through on whether you really want to win her back or not, and if you do, keep in mind that you're probably going to have to be financially stable to do so.
I just want to make sure you're not trying to put out a fire so to speak and make me feel better. Getting back together on those kind of terms didn't work out on that first Christmas from my end. We were broken up and you made a decision for yourself. Choosing not to distract you or myself is me being decisive. She has only gone on one date with this new guy and she wants to go on a date with me. I worry it's out of pity and already let her know that I would give her space.
She said she still wanted to do stuff together but I'm not convinced it's not for reasons I'd like pity or worry for my feelings. She was deeply in love with me but she doesn't seem to feel like that now even after seeing me cry. It's like she's trying to put out a fire yet keep it genuine.
I was thinking I'd let her know I don't need that and I'd give her time like she gave me too much of.
Should I start no contact? Yes it would be better to apply no contact at this stage since she might only be lingering around due to habit rather than actual feelings. You'll want to re-ignite whatever passion she had lost for you through the correct way or the relationship wouldn't last if she got back with you out of sympathy.
She says I could've changed her mind about her making it official with her new boyfriend. She says she thinks about me everyday and I think this is just what's comfortable for her now. I'll have to live with the fact that they are undoubtedly intimate. She can't wait long and that was my main concern.
I feel vengeful etc. I'll join some clubs I've been interested in college and try to build my social standings there. I'll go on a few dates and probably fuck around until I feel better. It's questionable what will happen with my ex. I learned about her boyfriend and their being intimate by breaking NC a couple of times. She seemed very unsure of herself and I didn't know how I should handle that. She's honestly submissive and confused enough that I would've been tempted to change her mind then try to fix what we had going with therapy or something.
I can't really say it would have been the wrong decision but I'll have a good chance to feel like myself for a bit without being tied down and without being able to turn back. I sent her a long letter today.
I really just wanted to help her feel like she could know how to get back on track by taking some examples of how i was sorting out my own feelings. I also wanted to get her on the same page. I was unapologetic with my feelings and mostly just categorized my thoughts about the situation going forward for myself and what I was thinking back on from our situation. They started out as my personal notes and small ramblings but she's used to reading that kind of thing from me.
I got what I needed to across to her and succeeded in making her angry, jealous, and a bit sad. I knew she was spending the day with friends and family and ending it with a female friend she trusts. She read the whole thing before bed and feels like we could be soulmates. The guide helped me remember important parts of what I wanted her to know and feel and I hit it just right for now.
She said the whole thing was overwhelming, putting her through ups and downs and ending it with very sexual comic relief. I knew she'd like it if I ended it like that. She's "inexplicably" jealous and probably just needed to see me getting over it by being around other women in casual social settings. I left a part in my notes about it and it was a sentence out of almost 20 pages. She's still very sad and confused but doesn't know why. I suggest she's remembering the good times and wants me to rescue her. She says I'm most likely very correct. I tell her to figure herself out and decide if that's what she really wants.
She's going to masturbate to me tonight for sure. I'll just wait a month or 2 while I get over this. I hope she figures out what I really need from her to even just be friends. I need to get over my more inappropriate feelings and I can't go back without forgiving her for making mistakes or not waiting for me. I made the mistake of neglecting her and we'll both figure it out on our own for now.
It's probably for the best that we don't get back together now. She was my first girlfriend and making mistakes with a new acquaintance like she has will even us out even if I can't get over myself right now. I'll keep you guys posted. I hope that helps someone. Hey Kevin, My ex and i were together for 2 years and we have recently broke up, we got into a very bad argument because she was trying to friendzone me against my will, so i stopped speaking for at least 2 and half weeks, i started to miss her so i reached out and she didnt respond, i waited about another week and called her and she finally answered, she told me she has someone else her in her life so that caused us to get into another argument, so far i dipped back into a no contact and i am attempting to work on myself.
To be honest throughout our relationship it always seemed like she has commitment issues, she would always keep her exes around as friends and then go start hanging out with one of them anytime her and i have some type of fight, usually her flings are short lived and she ends up coming back to me somehow, needless to say i really care about this women but i am definitely looking to shift the dynamic and end this vicious cycle of disrespect.
If she has commitment issues, this becomes something you don't have control over until she finally decides to settle down. It could be from whatever past baggage she carries, but I would suggest working on yourself to become an improved person, so that if she meets you down the road again, her impression of you changes and she thinks of you as someone who shouldn't be friendzoned. So I was with my ex for 3 years we only broke up because I was moving to Orlando for a new job and she wasn't ready to move with me away from her family and friends. I tried to fill the hole she left with a new girlfriend only 3 months after the breakup I have now been with this girl for 10 months and I have no feelings for her anymore.
I moved back down to where I'm from where my ex lives with my new girlfriend in February, since I've been back in the area I cannot get my ex off my mind. So one weekend when I was visiting my mom in her area I had my dog which was once our dog I texted her and said I had the dog with me if she wanted to meet up just to say hi as it had been 10 months since she's seen the dog or me. I didn't even think about him as it was so amazing seeing her.
I am still currently with my rebound gf as she is saving money to fix her phone then I am ending things. I know for sure I am in love with my ex as no ones presence makes me feel like hers does. Since both of you are in official relationships at this point, it wouldn't be recommended for either of you to go behind your partner's backs and involve yourself with another person even if that person is your ex. I think it would be okay to remain on talking to terms, as you want to be certain she still has feelings for you and would be willing to leave her current relationship to be with you, or you would end up breaking up with your current girlfriend just to end up getting hurt.
Hi Kevin, First of all I appreciate the tips you have. It's very inspiring, yet educational. I've been with a women for 3yrs but we broke up because of her insecurities issues. In speaking to her about it, she never tells me She doesn't love me, She wants me out of her life, stop calling me or anything. I'm trying to get her back of course but my second mistake was I did a few things wrong that I should'nt have done, that you explained not to do.
Her coworkers seemed excited themselves. I'm not gonna lie I dressed up clean so I can make a good impression lol. It got busy at her job so then I left. Now it's day 2 of my no contact her until she contacts me. As you can see my situation is a little different in every story you've explained but it does have a lot similarities. I wanted to ask you. So far am I doing things right? Was it ok to visit her at her job? Should I do the no contact right now? Should I take advantage of her lighting up when she saw me, or general what should be my next productive move. I hope to hear from you soon.
To be frank, her reaction towards you is what normally happens after NC, so in answering your question, no you don't have to go about NC all over again. Also, it would seem like NC was already done during the stage where you were blocked on all forms of contact back then. My girlfriend and I both 27 years old have been together for just under 4 years. We had a pretty solid relationship up until 1 year ago. We had been living together for 1 year at that point.
I started playing video games A LOT and took her for granted, but we always respected each other. This last year was pretty bumpy in our relationship, she got pretty upset and didn't think I was going to get my shit together. She ended breaking up with me about 2 months ago. At first, I was really confused and wanted more in depth explanation from her side she had a hard time communicating her for feelings but after 2 weeks, I started no contact.
During no contact I found out she had been dating a friends brother. But I kept my cool and didnt say anything to her. Weeks later I saw her at a mutual friends birthday party and we didn't talk much. But later when she had left, I messaged her saying I was happy to see her and that she looked pretty, to which she replied "Thanks: I realised I wasn't ready emotionally to talk to her with confidence so I went back into no contact. It's almost been a month since, I feel much better, but I still have no clue if she is still dating him.
Is it time to break no contact and start rebuilding attraction, wether shes still dating or not? And how goos do you think my are odds are? I would recommend initiating contact first, and depending on her situation if she's still dating or not , decide then whether to build attraction or go at a slower pace. You can follow the guidelines of breaking no contact here. Hey man, first off. Reading your tips helps calm me down a lot. I have anxiety and i'm trying to cope with and deal with it.
Anyway, to the point. Me and this woman, we will call her sarah, have been on and off for 2 years. The funny thing is, we were never an official couple. Well i rushed things and she has commitment issues. I should specify we are both young I wanted commitment and she wasn't ready for it. Everytime i got close, she would push me away. At first she said she liked me a lot. Then as time went on, it was i like you a lot to i really don't want a relationship. To me, it was obvious she liked me. Due to my anxiety, i was getting more and more nervous she didn't actually like me since she wasn't commiting.
Ex Girlfriend Dating Someone New? You Can Still Get Her Back!
So i tried harder and harder and harder. I got more and more desperate because i couldn't figure out what was wrong. Well when things were going smooth again, she went on a date with another guy. She seemed excited for their next date que the anxiety so i tried to remain cool. Didn't work, so i turned to my friends for answers. Some gave good advice, others gave what ended up being terrible advice. I felt i was losing her and i didn't know what to do. So i did what 2 of my friends suggested, "shutting the shit down" so one evening i got her to come out and meet me even though she wasnt feeling well i felt bad, but i thought i had to be stern i immediately jumped into stern mode and started arguing i've asked her nicely multiple times if we can talk, she ignored those messages and only answered part of the texts.
She wasn't saying anything at first, but then she started to talk back. The argument ended when she got out of my car and i walked after her and snapped into a desperate man. She said she cares about me, but believes we shouldn't be talking ever again. I begged her to not go through with the decision. Her and the other guy continued going on dates. Fast foward to now, they're currently boyfriend and girlfriend. I know we are young and she has commitment issues, but i am terrified of losing her.
We had a lot of history together before we got into a kind of relationship i just don't understand why she is willing to throw me away for some random guy. I've done the no contact and still am doing no contact for my own benefit. I guess what I'm trying to ask is. Work on myself for now and try again in a year or 2?
I'm just lost and confused at the moment. We had a great connection, but she refused to commit. Any help would be appreciated. Despite the great connection, there's a possibility where she felt you were the 'safe' choice, hence at 23 and not knowing what she wants yet has been afraid to commit to you thus far. I think you are doing the right thing, and should focus on moving on for now. You could try again in a year of two as mentioned since you would be less insecure and more emotionally stable by then, while she may finally be done with 'exploring' and is ready to settle down a bit more.
Hi Ryan, Me and my girlfriend where together for about 5 years. In all those 5 years we broke up several times because i cheated on her and didn't took her for granted. WE broke up a couple of months passed by then i missed her and got back to her and the same story over and over again. We broke up early and we had contact but nothing serious I didnt wanted to be with her and got a job in another country. My way to get away and forget about her.
So in June I moved, after a couple of weeks of me moving, even though we didnt had a relationship, she stopped every contact with me maybe because i moved and never committed to her. Know a couple of months back i started missing her and understanding the good girl she is and that I really love her, or thats what I think. Recently I texted her and she was responsive but she told me that shes seeing another guy who has all the qualities that I dont.
Guy has a great job, own business, mature and goals. She was like rubbing it on my face With the help of a friend I arranged sending her flowers, wrote her a letter and gave her gift. I planned all that because I thought that she ,seeing another guy, was a bluff. When she received the gift, for what my friend told me, she got pretty excited and then started crying like crazy. She said that we have great moments together but that i made her suffer a lot..
She texted me the same day of receiving the gift. Thanking me but telling me that theres no hope because although shes is not this guys girlfriend she feels shes in love and tells me how great he is. She even send me a picture where shes with him. Now i understand the bad thing i did and that i really want to be with her. Which should be my next step. Im planning on flying there in june but i dont want just to appear on her doorstep and want to start building they relationship before going to see her.
For the record ive been trying to improve myself since september and i feel great. Thanks for the advise and sorry for the long post. You might want to respect her decision for now because even though she still has feelings for you, the fact that she wants to explore the relationship with her new partner may change that, especially if you try to interfere with their relationship.