He kept his apartment for a few months after that, but he spent a grand total of one evening there. Not even the night, just a couple of hours. Moreover, we worked together for the first two years of our relationship You said you've already gotten most of the practical stuff worked out, so I assume that this is something that you guys have discussed. You've got three months, right? Call that a trial run--pick a place and decide that's where the two of you are living for the next two months.
If, two months from now, you're still going "Yeah, we should totally do this! Regarding the "outsider's standpoint", fuck 'em. It's none of their business anyway. If you're happy and he's happy, they should shut up. My parents moved in together after two weeks. They're about to celebrate their 30th anniversary.
I moved in with a guy after knowing him for 2 or 3 months. We've been together 14 years, married for the past 10 years. It worked for us. My husband and I were effectively living together after a few weeks of dating and officially moved in together after about 2 months and got married after 6 months and everything is great! When you know, you know. In your case it sounds pretty practical. If you're worried about things working out, put aside some money to fund moving out if necessary.
We moved in sooner than that, and we are still married quite a few years later. Make sure a you are moving into a place with enough space for both of you what that means specifically depends on your needs -- separate bedrooms?
The thing that jumped out at me is that you'll both be starting grad school and working fulltime. This is a recipe for stress. How much serious stress have you experienced as a couple thus far? Be honest with yourselves and each other. We moved in about months in and it was a complete fuck-up. We're still together and all that and quite happy sharing a tiny studio apartment but, brrr.
It's stressful, in my experience, more stressful than getting married, by far. Frankly, being busy makes me think it's a bad idea to move in together--the stress of jobs and school AND moving in together when you have no experience with it--it doesn't sound like something I'd do. Met my GF on a dating Web site in December. We've been living together since June 1. We started discussing moving in around January and serious talks commenced in Feb. We've both had friends who haven't met one of us say -- "Oh. It's been pretty damn good.
I notice something consistent about a number of people here stating they moved in together after what may be considered a short span of time: Just something to think about. When it's right, it's right. I honestly don't think it matters whether you've been together for five months or five years - you're either both similarly-wound and similarly-committed to making things work, or you're not.
Jump in with both feet! Aside from that, go nuts! Put me down for too soon. I'm a grad student and I've seen a lot of couples of other grad students move in together at 5, 6, or 8 months. They do it for the same reasons you're contemplating it: Oh, and also, they've all since broken up, and the breakups were all intensely stressful affairs, involving frantic apartment-hunting and lease-breaking. But really, what concerns me is less the time frame than your reasoning. From what I've seen, couples do well when they move in together because they love each other and want to make the relationship more serious without getting married this is what my non-grad school friends do.
You are ONLY going to get anecdotes that say "yes, it's too soon, it didn't work for me" or "no, it's not too soon, worked for me. It's all up to you and what you can stand. Do I think it's nuts? Do YOU think you're nuts? I moved in with my wife-to-be after about 8 months. I guess it didn't work out as we just got separated after 18 years of marriage.
Griphus makes a very good point. My wife and I moved in together about six months after we started dating, but before I gave up my apartment, we had THE TALK, and I moved in with the understanding that just living together wasn't the end goal, marriage was the end goal. So our expectations of how things would be were probably different than if we were just going to stay boyfriend and girlfriend.
Is it too soon for you? But make sure that both of you have the same understanding of what each other expects the end result to be. If one of you is thinking marriage and the other isn't, there will be conflicting expectations of how the relationship should grow. We got married when I was I had my first child at barely I'm now only 26, but expecting my second. Looking back on this, I could not imagine how any 21 year old could hold together a new relationship, moving in, and then being engaged in short succession.
But it seemed natural at the time, and it worked. What worked for us was keeping finances separate, because we're both frugal in different ways and it was a fight we didn't ever really want to have.
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Honestly, until we had our son and I lost my job shortly thereafter, we still had everything separate and split everything equally. I still have my own checking and savings, he has his, but now we just don't argue about whose turn it is to buy groceries - it really is all the same in the end. Its up to you whether it feels right.
Is two months too soon to move in together?
You really cannot ask us. We are not in your emotional shoes. Me personally, I know I could never move in with any man who isn't my husband. That's just how I flow. This could be something that works for both of you, and it may not. But you have to make your own decision. Asking friends doesn't hurt either. That's why they're there. If you do not, then you will forever be looking to others to prove your own merit to you, and you will never be satisfied.
You will always be asking others what to do and at the same time resenting those from whom you seek such aid. I think it's a little too soon I'd wait a year, minimum, personally and that's what I did , but I'm more concerned about the grad school and busy-ness. Moving in together did change our relationship pretty drastically.
It was definitely in a good way, but it required a lot of time and energy, both of which sound like they'll be in short supply in your lives. Living with someone is not like having sleepovers every night. I don't know why it's different, but it is. We hadn't spent a night apart in a year by the time we shared a home, but it still changed things.
My sister told me that getting used to living with someone was actually harder than getting married to that person they lived together after the wedding. She commended me for getting the hard part out of the way first. I see that someone else in this thread mentioned that as well, so I wanted to give it a little more weight. If you feel that you don't have the time or energy to devote to a marriage right now, then I'd say you don't have the time or energy to devote to living together.
We dated a little over a year, we've been living together a little over a year and we're getting married next month. Everything changes when it's not you staying with him in his space or him staying with you in your space. Once it's "our space", everything changes. Not always for the worse, but everything changes. I've seen couples move in quickly and have it work. I've seen more fail miserably.
In my opinion, you're making a mistake.
Grad school will be hard enough without having to go through the madness of a failed live-in relationship. On the other hand, if this relationship is going to last, there's no harm in not speeding it up right now. If grad school is important to you, focus on that. My now-husband and I moved in together after five months though we'd known each other for a long time and got engaged after eight months, so griphus makes a good point. As I hadn't lived with a partner before him and were in a long distance relationship for those five months, we talked a lot about it prior to moving in, including my fear of dirty socks being all over the floor- and even details like this helped, as we knew beforehand what some of our small irritants would be.
One thing I am glad we did was pick out a new apartment together so it wasn't me moving into his space which would have been the case as I was moving to his city , and so we could arrange furniture, organize closets, and decorate together without any of the territorial issues. This was really helpful for me, as I didn't feel like I was crashing as his place but really felt like it was our apartment.
Granted, this might not be feasible given deposits and leases, but the idea remains that making it feel like a shared place will be important given all the other stressors in both of your lives.
Is two months too early to move in with someone? Answer: Yes (Post #45 for update) | NeoGAF
And definitely keep finances separate, work out bill payments and household chores ahead of time with flexibility, but it'll decrease the stress given other responsibilities , and discuss expectations for the relationship as far as if this is a step forward or simply a practical move, in which case be honest about that fact and make sure you're both on the same page. Though if it's more of a practical move than a step forward, I'd advise against. Thing is, I really do think we'd be doing this whether or not we were looking at it being a money-saver, just to spend more time together.
The financial benefit is just an added plus. I've done the moving-in thing before and it didn't work out, mostly because I moved into his place and he thought of it as his place , not mine. I appreciate all the input. I realize I shouldn't put the whole decision onto the shoulders of MetaFilter's community, just figured it couldn't hurt. I'm going to assume it wouldn't have changed many if any of our replies. In the abstract, five months seems a bit quick. If nothing else, it's good to have a sense of the kind of roommate you're acquiring - you can get that secondhand while sleeping at one another's places.
But here's the Very Big Deal: Stop trying to figure that out, stop sharing content-free opinions like 'I suck at the long-term relationship thing,' and ask yourself: If the answer is yes, do what you want. If not, you just learned something. There's no way of knowing what the 'right time' is. Having a baby, taking a job, moving in together, starting a big project: The better you know someone, the better-prepared you'll be when moving day comes.
But you don't have to be prepared. Some folks do well to dive in headfirst.
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Some folks need to circle around a while, work themselves up into the right state. You probably know nothing at all about live-in relationships, like any other youngish person, and the way you're going to learn - which you must do - is by diving into one and figuring things out for yourself. You have a responsibility to make mistakes and learn from them.
From a thermodynamic standpoint the outcome doesn't matter anyway, so what the hell are you waiting for? Me and my boy moved in after 5 months. Things here are wonderful. We decided to get a dedicated, bills only joint checking account. But you can do what's best for you. But this is something that should totally be discussed.
We know that if we want to be alone, we can just say it. It's not an issue right now, since I work a crazy schedule and we relish our together time. But you get the idea. Those were the big 2 for us, but YMMV. D posted by bibliogrrl at 9: Big thing is that we both admit to being at a loss when I'm not there. I feel like I'm just killing time until I'm back and I know she's started to have trouble sleeping when I'm not there. Moving in makes a lot of sense, but I just feel like two months sounds like a ridiculously short period of time and that it'll be a hard sell to friends and family.
I'm crazy about this girl though and think things would work and, honestly, we'll end up living together at some point, so I don't know what the point of waiting it. Is it too early? Are there serious negatives? I mean, if we can't stand living together that'll be the same response if we start living together in six months as now, right?
Kentpaul When keepin it real goes wrong. Mar 4, 12, 0 0 Scotland. Log4Girlz Member Apr 11, May 23, 40, 0 0. At 2 months, you are taking a chance. It may work out, it may not. The odds are heavily against statistically speaking. Rapstah Member Apr 11, Jul 20, 13, 0 0. If you suddenly break up, or she dies, or you in any way lose access to this new residence, are you absolutely screwed? Jan 8, 3, 0 0 www. SouthernDragon Member Apr 11, Jan 28, 16, 0 0. Fare Godmace Member Apr 11, Dec 12, 1, 0 0 www. Didn't we have this thread a week ago?
One where a guy was asking if it would be OK if his 18 year old GF stayed in his house during the summer because she did not have any place to rent or something like that They have been together for just two months, too. It's from Apil 3rd. Mar 29, 29, 1 0 Vancouver, WA. It's probably a bad idea. I dunno, you have a mix of practical and emotional reasons in there If it's the practical, seriously reconsider. Those aren't good reasons to move in with someone. The odds are against you if you do this, but nobody knows you and your relationship like you and your partner, so ultimately you will have to decide what you are prepared for.
As someone who has been there though, I must tell you that it isn't easy even for those who have been together for years. It is a huge transition and with less history it may be more difficult to invest the necessary patience and compromise involved in sharing a living space full time.
If this is the first time you'd be moving in with a partner, that is another reason to wait. ChairmanMeow Member Apr 11, Dec 5, 53 0 0. Hoo-doo Member Apr 11, Sep 29, 27, 2 The Interrobanger Member Apr 11, Jun 10, 5, 0 0 Toronto. I think 2 months is fine as long as you're both responsible and realistic. HarryHengst Member Apr 11, Sep 2, 3, 0 0. FairyD Member Apr 11, Jul 24, 7, 0 0 Do it the old country way.
Get married in the next four months. Cat Party Member Apr 11, Aug 18, 8, 0 0. It's her place, I'd just be taking on some of the bills. Magilla Banned Apr 11, Aug 16, 1, 0 0 Boston. I would move some stuff to her place to make things easier, but maintain a separate residence. Us it as a trial period. After more months if it feels right go halves on a place. B Natural Member Apr 11, Jan 22, 6, 0 0. I would say yes, but then again, you'll find out by having her move in anyway. I guess it's ok to rush "moving in" as long as you don't rush the next step. But it's a sign of rushing things, so be aware of that.
Bay Maximus Member Apr 11, Apr 30, 4, 0 0. Sorry OP but it is an absolutely terrible idea. Let us know when she moves in. Aug 31, 43, 0 0.
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But if you're living at the bus station, I say do it. Some women really do want to take care of their men, so it's not like she would hold it over your head or anything, necessarily. Then again, some women definitely would make it an issue, so if things got sour, expect to move out quickly. RichieS99 Banned Apr 11, Jan 28, 70 0 0. Ok as good a time as any to stop lurking and actually post so here goes. This all depends on you and her statistically the odds are against you but the odds were against me too.
I started chatting to a woman in London and after 4 months went over to visit her from Dublin. I spent a week over there and when I came home she asked me to move over to her which I did. Its not easy and will be a huge culture shock I am sure there is a hell of a lot you both do not know about each other but if you have a good feeling about her then it will be worth it.
However after three years we split and Im back home in Ireland, if you ask me though if its too early my answer is no its not. Where do you live now? Mammoth Jones Member Apr 11, May 5, 21, 0 Two months is still in the honeymoon phase of a new relationship. Yea, you're both pining for each other now In 6 months that could very well be different. Take your time and don't rush. Moving in is a big fucking deal. Take your time with it. I think i've read like 3 or 4 of these threads in the last few weeks. May 12, 5, 0 0 US. With my parents, so can move back here with no real issue if things don't work out.
How old are you op?